DAY #7 FULL PORTIONS & a deflated day…

Weetabix x 2.

Morning snack
Wholemeal toast x 2, butter.

Jacket potato, margarine, cottage cheese, 5-bean salad, salad.
Blackcurrant frangipane, custard.

Meatballs in tomato sauce, boiled potatoes, carrots.
Ice-cream (2 scoops).

Raisins and sultanas.

After a positive day yesterday, it feels like things have crumbled today.
It’s the first time over the 7 days that I haven’t completed everything on the meal-plan. But not much. It was a bit of pastry from lunch pudding, 2 boiled potatoes at tea-time, and a handful of raisins at supper.

I’ve felt my balloon of motivation deflating as the day’s gone on, because of my intrusive thoughts influenced by things at the dining room. I found it much better the couple of days before to control these, to not let the Eating Disorder shout it’s abuse because of comparisons at the table. I began to start turning the struggle into a positive situation.

I held it together for as long as I could, until it all just felt overwhelming. There’s still lots I want to blog about from yesterday, so much swishing about at the moment. I did start a post to talk through it today. But it’s been a bit full-on with visitors. And I’m not going to lie – my head’s a bit pre-occupied with weigh-day tomorrow morning. 🙁 Thank you if you’ve read this.


One thought on “DAY #7 FULL PORTIONS & a deflated day…

  1. Hi Yasmin,
    You don’t know me but I just wanted to wish you luck in your mission (‘luck’ is not quite the right word when so much hard work is involved but I hope you understand what I mean…) and to thank-you for this wonderful blog. It is so honest and insightful and I really hope it helps you in your journey.

    You should be so incredibly proud of yourself for doing this. It is so much easier to go along with and pacify the ed- standing up and fighting, even when you don’t feel strong enough or have the energy and all the voices in your head scream at you for doing it takes such strength and determination and you should be so so proud of every single victory you achieve.

    I know from my own experience how difficult and scary it can feel but i promise you that the pain you feel now will be worth it. As much as the eating disorder creates the illusion that it ‘keeps us safe’ and ‘protects us’ in reality it is nothing more than a parasite which sucks the colour from us and turns life into an existence where we are trapped in our ‘cocoons’ and unable to come out as butterflies with wings to fly.

    Although further on in my own recovery reading your blog has given me more insight into my own illness and the thought processes which simmer away behind it. Knowledge is power and although unfortunately I don’t yet know all the answers and solutions I do know from my own journey that by taking the incredibly brave steps in starting to build back our physical strength the colours do start to come back. It is gradual like little shoots and leaves sprouting out but as they do the so incredibly painful and debilitating feelings soften and start to take a back seat as life becomes fuller and more colourful. At this point we are in a much better position to unpick and challenge them- and remold them into healthier, kinder thoughts.

    Sorry for the babble and I hope this has all come across in the right way.

    Keep putting one foot in front of the other- however much that horrible bullying voice tries to tell you you are failing you are doing the exact opposite. You are giving all those who love you the greatest gift they could ever wish for by giving them their Yasmin back, in all her beautiful colours. xxxxx

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