So, it’s been like having a surprise party – without the party. Although my lived experience of mental health is extensive, one place I’ve never, ever been is on a PICU (Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit). I only found out on Friday, 4 hours before I was due to be transported 3 hours away. It’s the first time I’ve requested my laptop here at this moment, because none of my belongings are in the room, and I’m still unsure what I am and aren’t allowed. The room is for isolation until COVID test is done and result is back. (I was admitted on a Friday evening, which means no doctors around and they have a physical nurse that deals with that during the week). So I won’t get it done until tomorrow, and I’m hoping so badly the results come back within hours, so I don’t have to spend more nights isolated. As then I can join the main ward.
The room? To me, it’s like a police cell. Except a really thick anti-ligature mattress which reminds me of the material you get at indoor play areas – without the ball-pit or the slide. The walls are bare, white and hard. In the toilet I’m only allowed one sheet of toilet roll, which come on girls – is not enough to dry the lettuce is it. The toilet itself is like a train one that doesn’t flush properly. There’s an in-built sink without taps, which once you’ve popped it on to disguise the toilet noises, doesn’t work. And I’m not allowed soap either.
There’s two members of staff at all times in the room (protocol for the ward) whilst I’m still in isolation. One male, one female who rotate at random times. Mostly, they’ve been lovely and chatty but the frustration of being trapped in here with little stimulation is really getting to me now. And also when you have the urges to hurt yourself, there’s no point trying because there’s 2 people close to you. It gets my mind all conflicted and in a tizz.
Well, laptop’s dying so I’ll round that there for today.
I hope everyone is keeping well. (my sister got a puppy!! Called Biscoff. Hence the pic. That’s happy news at least – so Hagrid will have a cousin…)