Head’s a whirlwind!! So I was just beginning a stretch on the yoga mat in group, and the nurse called me out, for my ward round. This was a moment I’d been revving myself up for. Ideally, I wanted to have my eyebrows plucked (the two moustaches at the top of my head), shower and wash my hair – but the unit didn’t then have clean towels. In the past my black and white thinking would have taken over, and it nearly did. I’m either a total, disgusting wreck if I haven’t done these things for what I saw as an important situation, or I’m properly together if I’d been able to do all of those things. This really affects my mood.
Because it’s a bit mad with short-staffing and things taking longer to organise than normal, I didn’t get chance to pluck my eyebrows, and then obviously the towel situation. So I entered the ward round room, frizzball in tact and my two misplaced moustaches, vulnerable in my head. Doctors, two strangers, the nurse and a video link to my home team. As I sat down I noticed how tiny I was on the webcam screen so my anxieties reduced significantly. When I saw one of my main care co-coordinators in video form, I felt comforted, happy: I told her I missed them. Really, I’m in the middle of nowhere coping with a very unfamiliar situation and it made me reflect on how the hell I’ve coped. But you just keep going, don’t you?
Anyway, I first demanded discharge (as friendly as poss), and the doctor said straight away how I’ve done well and everything but it’s too short a time to go home. But then suggested I could have ‘Tesco/community leave’ twice a week, then asked me what else I would like. My care-co asked if I could come off 2:1 obs, to 1 person with me at all times instead. This felt ace. Then the things I asked for were: proper bedding so I could have a good night sleep, toiletries in my bathroom (approved, but with all lids taken off), one spare pair of clothes to keep in my wardrobe, and I’m not entirely sure whether it’s approved yet but (hopefully) tissue in my bathroom. I’d be so chuffed with that to save waiting and knocking (often with no answer) on the hatch in the dining area.
All in all, it’s a good’un! I guess in a way I will be tested more with 1 person on my observations because my argument was that I don’t know what I’m going to feel like when I get urges, if I’m not with less than two people, or on my own in fact. So, I need to practice and get used to how it feels.
With so many positive decisions being made so quickly, I feel like Cinderella when she’s transformed by the Fairy Godmother. She must have been overwhelmed, bless her glass slippers. Like her, I feel like I’m twizzling, well – my head is. Providing things go well over the next few days, I may be discharged next week. Thank the loopy lord. (seems to be a new phrase of mine) But if I have any incidences things will be put backwards and everything will be on hold.
I’ll truly give it my best. I’m very grateful for today and I will take on that new Tesco adventure ASAP.