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Divorcing my Eating Disorder and Finding ME

Striving to encourage a welcoming, open relationship with food whilst tangling through the fluctuating emotions of life.

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Posted on May 22, 2017 by yazsalt

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Plant dreams, pull weeds and grow a happy life. 🌱 (first day wearing make-up and acceptable clothes in months, feeling like poo and a fraud 💩 ...but it makes a change to ‘self-care’ 🌼 and it does perk you up a bit... even a 3% lift in mood is still progress ✅) #mentalhealth #recovery #eatingdisorder

🍊 Started Sunday morning making immune-boosting smoothies for the fam... hope of more armour against Coronavirus? ⚔️ 🦠 Orange, carrot, ginger, chia seeds, dates, kefir yoghurt, coconut oil, cinnamon and ginger. 🥕 Blooming intense but deffo a sign of vitamins galore. 😋 #covid_19 #coronavirus #healthyfood #immuneboosting #colourfulfood

Happy Mother’s Day to Mother Salt... 💐 here’s one very imperfect homemade Turkish delight cheesecake with a pistachio shortbread base. 👩‍🍳 #mothersday

Happy birthday to my best mate 👵🏼🥳❤️ ...she is proof that age is just a number. My great auntie in her eighties has an outlook on life and a soul so similar to mine. Except actually lives life more fully than me! She accepts me as I am and brings out the best in me, whether I turn up to stay with her as a big insecure fat mess in scruffs, but then she has supported me non-judgementally through periods of Anorexia too, without pushing me. And instead listening, without pretending to understand. Very special person in my life. 👑❤️

Frustrating to be in the red, after 11 bloody years. But things can only get better, so I can spread awareness of the seriousness of eating disorders that do NOT show by emaciation but are still well and truly life-threatening both mentally and physically. #recovery #eatingdisorder #anorexia #bulimia #bingeeatingdisorder #edrecovery #hope

#EDAW How many posts have been about the less visually obvious #eatingdisorders? I usually hate this time of year, especially when I’m struggling, being exposed to before and after pictures. But I realise at this time of the year, you’ve probably seen lots of posts about the visible version of an #eatingdisorder, #anorexia. It’s very cruel and powerful, I’ve been extremely ill with it myself, and so are/have some of my friends. There’s a lot of pictures I could have shared of me skeletal and at my lowest weight. However, these two pictures from today explain my struggle enough. #bulimia (and other eating disorders that don’t involve obvious weight loss) is as equally powerful and life-consuming as Anorexia. Today, is a day I can’t face outside my bed. Food obsession and the behaviours that fill me with excruciatingly painful shame are too much. Shame builds as it becomes even more terrifying to see friends, to commit to a job or a role that you love, but the fears around your body image and the trauma of all the binging and purging periods, dominates that love for something, or the desire to be with people. For the year and over, without #ed support, due to another #mentalhealth diagnosis, that conflicts with the criteria of receiving support, has really, really made me feel like I am spiralling down into a rabbit hole that I cannot escape. When someone has an eating disorder, despite what else is going on for them, ripping away the very few people that you can talk to who understand your specialist struggles, can be detrimental. I hope to see in the near future, eating disorder services becoming a lot more holistic - recognising that they don’t often sit alone from other struggles. Even people struggling with alcoholism, or substance misuse are usually excluded from the support. But there may just be a way that people can be seen as a whole, a unique person. We don’t tick boxes. And we shouldn’t have to, to get the support we know should help us. Hopefully I should be getting some support that I have had to fight for myself, soon. And life can move forward. Believe me, I’ve tried and tried to smash this myself, and I get so far... (continued in comments...)

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